Tis' only fitting that on the Eve of Hallows we revisit our resident celebrity, Beardbar. You may recall a year ago when some say he burned a church to the ground. In an effort to prove once and for all this god loving super citizen's status, he is digesting the teachings of Jesus...Literally.

Jesus' likeness appeared on Beardy's swiss cheese sangwich earlier this week, which he promptly sunk his razor sharp teeth into. Savoring every morsel of the Holy One, Beardy is now speaking the word of God before his stomach acid silences it forever.

Holding Jesus at bay in his stomach, Beardbar has offered a vomitous pardon if he can get but one request granted, add the word "sangwich" not only to the dictionary, but also as a book of the bible. His previous attempts at getting Webster's to recognize "liffint room" fell on deaf ears. Some say holding Jesus prisoner is how he plans to get back at Webster's. He knows that the one book that Webster's despises is the bible. It is the one book the dictionary is not more important than. Those that still believe Beardbar was responsible for the Church burning can only look upon him in disgust. They have to face the reality that Beardbar is holding all the cards this time. He will determine if they will look to the heavens when they pray or if they have to pray to the porcelain god.